Xenobia dot net

Would you?

I love this country.

(ganked from Mojo IV)

And one essential truth of life is that, no matter what kind of music comes along, Weird Al will always be one of the greatest musicians of our time.

No.  I’m serious.

White and Nerdy is possibly the best music video I’ve ever seen.

Only question I
Ever thought was hard
Was do I like Kirk
Or do I like Picard  

So… we just watched the Transformers movie teaser trailer.
(And yes, I know that this is probably old meme and I am totally behind the times.)
Looked pretty good.

Rick made the comment “Oh no, we couldn’t possible FAKE the Mars landing footage” as they showed what looked eerily similar footage to the Mars rover footage – but with better color.

But, that’s besides the point.

It goes to the end title and you see the Transformers logo transform and it makes the sound and you start getting excited.
Then it happens.
Under the words “The Transformers” the words “Michael Bay” fade in.
Rick and I both let loose an “OH NO!” at the same time.

In the immortal words of one of my favorite bastards:

And now all I can think about is your smile,
And that shitty movie too,
Pearl Harbor sucked, and I miss you.
Why does Michael Bay get to keep on making movies?
I guess Pearl Harbor sucked,
Just a little bit more than I miss you.

Because it has been proven that the only thing that can save a Michael Bay movie is the two-fisted combination of Sean Connery and Nicholas Cage. And I don’t think those guys are gonna want to do the Transformers movie.

Cliff Bleszinski sums it up pretty nicely:

Michael, you need to understand that you’re dealing with an entire generation of 18-35 year old males who were raised on the concept of Badass Transforming Robots. It’s beyond a fad or some Harry Potter shit. This is in our DNA. It is in our blood. Our hearts race whenever we hear that “WWWOOOWWWW WWOWWWWW WRROWW” of a robot turning into a fucking CAR…

…This is Optimus Prime we’re talking about. He isn’t just the father figure to the entire Autobot community, he’s the daddy to an entire generation of men. When Ironhide was too bitchy to get shit done or Perceptor was off sucking cylinder behind the Ark who do you think stepped up and showed everyone how it was done?

Optimus Motherfucking Prime.

So allow me to express my concern when I see my childhood hero “re-envisioned” as the fucking truck from the Full Throttle Energy Drink commercial. (How much did Coke pay for that one?)

Disclaimer: Yes, I know it was based off of some later lame design that Hasbro released when they were going all plastic and shitty post Beast Wars. (It still eats a huge bowl of dicks.)

So if this is, in fact, the final design that was decided upon for our ultimate hero I have to just ask one small favor…

Please, while you’re raping my childhood in the ass, please use a little bit of lube. I’m not even asking for that silky KY sprayable window cleaner shit. I’m asking for maybe take a second away from burying my childhood’s face in the burlap pillow on the floor of the dusty barn to maybe hock up a tiny little glob of phlegm and adhere it to the tip of your baby raping schlong…

(2006-07-12 | an open letter to michael bay)

Also, The Hitcher is a great movie just the way it is. Only Rutger Hauer should have finger french fries. Why the hell do they have to remake it?

Just stop, please.

Vitas has a new video out.
It’s fucking amazing.

I am completely in love with this boy’s voice, regardless of whether he has balls or not.
The russian pop thing combined with operatic styling is kind of growing on me. The music is like the Diva’s song from The Fifth Element. I always wished I could find some music that was similar to that.

So, I uh… got some of his music.
He does an Ave Maria.
And it’s better than Moreschi’s.
Of course Moreschi was very old and sick when that recording was made… but still.

It’s also interesting watching/reading female reactions to him. The marriage wishes and lusty comments.
From what I’ve read, evidently the classical castrati inspired the same feelings in women.

Just saying.

Hail Eris!

I, for one, welcome our newest planet.

Galen made me go see Farinelli with him years and years ago and I was captivated by the creature that was Castrati.
I even read the Ann Rice book about them.

So, of course, the Alessandro Moreschi recording is one of my most favorite things ever.

Then there’s this Russian boy.
Physically, he is very androgynous and looks as if perhaps he never went through puberty.
His name is Vitas.

Is he Castrati?

Seriously, I had other things to do tonight besides wondering if a boy has balls.
But I can’t stop listening to him.
Wish he sang something other than Russian pop music.

Steve Irwin would NOT want you to go out and “take vengeance” on stingrays because he happened to get killed by one.

You are idiots.

Seriously. Nevada is the best state.

We have legalized gambling and prostitution. We have Vegas.

We have miles and miles of empty deserts and stunning mountains and forests. We have the awesome beauty of Lake Tahoe and the eerie haunting beauty of Pyramid lake. We have the Black Rock desert playa that thousands of dirty hippies and frat boys flock to every year.

We have roadside oddities and Area 51. There’s a good possibilty we have a fucking UFO buried somewhere in a military base in Nevada! We have the National Bowling Museum.

We have Siegfried & Roy and, up until the recent mail-order bride debacle, we had Art Bell.

We have Virginia City – the third most haunted city in the U.S.

Although I knew I loved Reno when I first visited before moving here, I really didn’t realize how much this state fit me perfectly. I truly believe that there is no place else on earth that I should’ve ended up. This is the place for me!

And you know what else?

We have Jarbidge.

Somewhere up by the Idaho border is a little town full of old polacks that live life by their own rules. And had a can. With something in it.

It’s not often a reporter gets a call like the one I had last week from Twin Falls resident JoAnn Dixon. The kind of call that makes a food reporter salivate.
I have a story idea, she said.
“OK,” I said. “Shoot.”
“I have these friends who live in Jarbidge,” she began, “who were grocery shopping here awhile back and bought a big can of orange juice. Well, when they got home and shook the can — you know how you’re supposed to shake stuff before you open it? — they noticed something solid was inside.”
“I see.”
“Anyway, they’re going to open the can soon, and I just wondered if you wanted to be there when they do.”
I imagined a rat, a finger, something really gross.
“Sure,” I said. “I’ll be there.”

more…

So, we were out and hungry today and decided to give L&L Hawaiian Barbeque a try.
It’s very good – I had the Chiken Katsu Curry. I have to try the SPAM noodles next time.  Evidently SPAM is big on Hawaii.  I also want to try the Mahi Mahi & the Loco Moco.
I suppose the litmus test of the place was its clientelle.  It was very busy and about 90% of the customers looked like they could be Hawaiian.

Anyway, so we’re waiting for our food and a big guy in a Hawaiian shirt comes up to us and says to me:
“You ever go to Sacramento?”
I made this face: 0_o
“Once,” I replied.
“To pick up birds?” he asked.
“Yeah, ” I said, “to pick up our parrot from the airport!”
Turns out he was there too – picking up a shipment of fresh leis from Hawaii!
He said he remembered me because I was picking up a bird and was talking to the herp guy there to pick up some venomous snakes.

Seriously – small world.
That was my little bit of weirdness for the day.

So, every once in awhile you just need to listen to some Madonna. You know, child of the 80s and all.

Today, I had the song “Skin” stuck in my head. I thought I might have it on mp3 and Rick was in the shower so I could save him what I’m sure he considered the ear burning horror. I start it up and rock out. Heh.

Then I notice Busey. He’s going crazy.
All whisting the “charge” whistle, singing the “pretty pretty pretty pretty bird” song, making kissy noises, saying “c’mere”, “hi”, flying around, and generally making happy birdy noise.

I point it out to Rick and say “Our bird LOVES Madonna”.

I decide to try an experiment as the song ends and Busey’s sitting on my computer.

I put on Erasure’s “Chains of Love”. I mean, he likes silly 80s electronic pop music, so he should love Erasure, right?
Nope.
Nothing. He cocked his head and just started preening a bit.

I put “Like a Prayer” on. He goes crazy again.

During “Live to Tell” he learned to laugh. Seriously, just started laughing. He’s never actually laughed before. Of course he won’t stop doing it now. And every time he does it it makes us laugh too, so it’s a vicious circle.

We’ve run through “True Blue” and we’re on “Cherish” now, and I’m running out of Madonna mp3s.
I suppose I’ll have to rip some more off my cds. Although I do have The Imaculate Collection on VHS. I guess I could just leave that going on the teevee for him while we’re at work. That would save Rick a little annoyance.

He’s already saying “Can you see if maybe he likes… Rush or something?”

So, in my experience, The only men I’ve known that have been THAT into Madonna are gay. Is my bird gay? He doesn’t freak out on Erasure, though, so maybe not.